The Real World
by Tiomoid
Summary: The hero's of FF7 find themselves in the real world with the real world's laws of physics! Please R+R


(Disclaimer I do not own final fantasy or its characters Squaresoft do etc.)  
  
The cast of FF7 stood looking at the glowing purple blob. "It's a dimensional portal." Nanaki stated "Yeah. Or something let's go through." Cloud said excitedly  
  
So all 8 of them leapt into the swirling mass.  
  
The first thing that was heard when they reached the other side was a sharp yell from Cloud, "Holy crap I'm blind!" Cid walked over and slapped him round the head. "You @$$ it's just your hair in-front of your eyes." Cloud pulled up his hair. "Woah. The gravity here is so different." "Could this be.the real world?" Tifa exclaimed dragging herself up off the floor with the weight of her breasts. "So what?" Cloud said as he reached for his sword. His hand clenched around the hilt and he pulled. The sword didn't move off the floor. He pulled again with all his might, but it didn't move. "Reality sucks." Cloud grumbled. Vincent's body lay still and motionless. "Look's like his life isn't allowed to exist here. What with all the resurrecting and such." Tifa said. "Woof." Nanaki said, nodding his head towards a lifeless Cait Sith. "HA! No voice, and he's got no life, even better!" Yuffie laughed.  
  
The 6 remaining heroes walked on.  
  
They moved out of the dark alley into the high street. Yuffie ran into a nearby toy shop carrying Cait Sith. She then returned with a handful of money. "What is this shit, this isn't gil." "Real world Yuffie." Barret said, rolling his eyes. Every person who walked by looked at them awkwardly and walked past them in a wide girth. "What's the problem with all these fools?" Barret asked. A man came by walking his dog and Yuffie screamed. "A monster!" She threw a handful of sharp pointy items, each of which pierced the dog's skull. Everybody started shouting stuff at the group and Yuffie started pouting. "Come on she just saved that guys life." Cloud shouted back. All the passers by swarmed into an angry mob some carrying pitchforks and flaming torches, (As mob's tend to do). Soon Yuffie was completely buried in a mass of blood and flesh etc. The others cautiously backed away.  
  
And then there were 5.  
  
Cloud calmly walked up to a nearby house and forced the door open and the others followed him in. The group promptly searched the house taking anything and everything not bolted down. The residents of the house looked on in disbelief. "Hi." Cloud said as if nothing was out of the ordinary. (Which for him of course there isn't) One of the people picked up a phone and called the police, while a small grey haired woman picked up a broom and started viciously hitting Cid with it. "%£^ get the $£&* off me you ^%£ ^%$&." Cid screamed. The others ran leaving Cid behind. "Don't leave me here you @$$ %)&£."  
  
4 strangely dressed people ran out of the house.  
  
"This place is really dangerous!" Cloud said between breaths. "And how come we had to stop running. Like my legs stopped working." Tifa complained "Yeah. This exhaustion thing sucks." Barret agreed. "Woof" Nanaki said in a grumbling sort of tone.  
  
A street gang approached them looking lustfully at Tifa. "Cool. A slut." One of them said. "What now?" She moaned They jumped at her. She tried to fend them off, but the new weight of her breasts slowed down her martial arts skills too much. Cloud, Barret and Nanaki ran, leaving her for dead at the hands of the rapists  
  
3 remain.  
  
They ran deep into what they thought was a park and sat down on a log. They remained silent for a while. Then the silence was cut by a hunting horn. A shot rang out and Nanaki fell to the ground. A group of horses came into the clearing. "Those aren't chocobo's." Cloud said curiously. " Hey isn't he that burglar, mental asylum escapee, freak that's been on those emergency news broadcasts?" One of them said. "Yeah he is!" Another said raising his rifle and licking his lips and the thought of a reward. But Cloud and Barret had already run, realising they don't any second chances here due to the non-existence of HP.  
  
Only a pair left.  
  
They ran amongst some caravan's outside a big tent and stopped pressing themselves against a caravan to hide. Barret opened his mouth to speak, but was cut short by a net thrown over his head. "Hoowee!" A small man said "A man with a gun for an arm, it'll make my circus millions!" A gun fired and Barret fell. The hunters rode up behind them, one of their guns smoking.  
  
Uno.  
  
Two figures appeared floating in the air in front of him. Sephiroth and George Bush. "I should have known you set up that portal Sephiroth. I don't who the hell you are and frankly I don't care!" "Our ultimate plan is to apply our worlds attributes to their world. That way I can become one with two planets. Unfortunately you just got in the way." Sephiroth said, "Isn't that right puppet?" "YES IT IS." Bush said in monotone. "Go ahead see if I care. Everybody I care about is dead, except Cait Sith obviously." "Huh? I thought he was dead." Sephiroth queried. "No he's dead alright. I just don't like him." "Okay then Cloud. It'll only take abut an hour more. Mwah ha ha ha!" With that Sephiroth and Bush vanished.  
  
A plan began to form in Cloud's mind. Cloud looked around for something, anything. His eyes fell on a sword swallower practicing his act. Cloud leapt over and took the sword, ripping the man's throat out with it. So the sword was a bit small, it would have to do. He hacked at the horses leg's before lunging and the circus owner. An uproar spread through the area. Cloud got an idea. He found a nearby jeep and put is sword down on the passenger seat and took the jeep over to Barret's body. He struggled to move the huge corpse but eventually got it into the back of the jeep.  
  
As he drove away a team of circus freaks came out of their caravans and scrambled into more jeeps in pursuit.  
  
The jeep skidded into the clearing and Cloud scooped Nanaki's body from the floor as he went past.  
  
Cloud stopped and got out of the jeep to haul Tifa's battered body into the back.  
  
Cid was picked out of a pile of garbage and thrown in with the rest of the corpses. The freaks were gaining on him every time he stopped, Cloud didn't have time to stop and think.  
  
Cloud found Yuffie hanging from a spiked iron fence around a park. Cloud ripped her down spraying blood everywhere.  
  
Cloud saw the alley where they had appeared. Vincent was still there and Cait Sith seemed to have been thrown out with the trash. An angry mob appeared from the streets to block his path. The jeep swerved and rolled throwing cloud and the dead bodies into the alley. Cloud slowly stood up badly bleeding and is hair across his face. "Get him!" A mobster yelled. The crowd advanced. "IT IS TIME!" A voice boomed from nowhere. Cloud smiled an evil smile at the crowd who had abruptly stopped. The sky turned purple and lightning struck despite an absence of rain. Cloud's hair sprang up. He picked up his buster sword from the floor with no trouble at all. Cloud took a step forward. The crowd took a fearful step back, at the sight of someone wielding a sword the big. "Cure." Cloud yelled, a green light covered him and the bleeding stopped and the wounds healed. "A cheap trick. That sword is probably made of plastic." One of the hunters said. "Life 2. ALL" Cloud yelled. More strange lights and the 7 corpses around Cloud stood up. The hunter shot. It harmlessly hit Cid in the shoulder. A '20' appeared in the air for a second. They all drew their weapons from nowhere. (As they do). Orange spikes rose from the ground around Cloud's feet. "OMNISLASH" 


End file.
